How many times have you thought to yourself, “If I could just have a coach to tell me what to do, then I would do it.”
Many of us long to have an idealized version of a supportive coach cheering us along. It would be great to have someone to guide us through the trials and tribulations of healthy living in an unhealthy food world who is on-call 24/7 just for us. Rather than hiring an expensive healthy living coach (yes, they are out there), have you ever considered being your own personal health coach? You know that little voice in your head? We all have that little voice in our heads, so why not put that inner voice to good use? Have you ever thought about the quality of your inner conversation with yourself? Would you want you as a friend or coach?
Many people admit they are far less kind and patient with themselves than with others, and many go overboard on a tough love approach with themselves, thinking self-criticism will bring about their desired outcomes. Some people have internalized negative, critical messages learned early in their lives, while others may berate themselves out of sheer frustration when they fall short of their goals. Perhaps there is a middle ground – an approach where we can use our inner speech as a secret weapon for taming unhealthy, self-defeating talk while encouraging ourselves to reach our goals. This is truly a conversation to have between me, myself and I.
Psychology researchers have determined we have the power to shape and direct our self-talk with a little distance from our inner voice (see psychologist Dr. Ethan Kross’ book, “Chatter: The Voice in Our Head and How to Harness It” for research and information on the phenomenon of self-talk). Regarding using self-talk as a tool for self-coaching, reporter and columnist Elizabeth Bernstein featured three life/executive coaches in her article, “How to Be Your Own Life Coach” (Wall Street Journal, Dec. 9, 2021) and provided excellent pointers on developing your own coaching voice.
• Reduce distractions in your environment in order to tune in to your inner conversation. Consider taking a break from excessive news and social media consumption. Act as if you’ve lost power in your home, and you exist in unplugged silence for an evening. That would be a good place to start in order to quiet distracting, external noise in your environment.
• Reflect on how you run your day. Carve out time in the morning to plan and strategize your day. Set a few daily goals for yourself. Throughout the day, check to see if your activities align with your priorities. We often become so distracted and unfocused with the day’s events that we fail to notice our drift away from what truly needs our attention (e.g., time for healthy living behaviors such as exercise, grocery shopping, meal prep or getting into bed at a decent hour).
• Reflect on your goals at the end of the day and see how you fared in meeting them. This second phase of self-coaching is akin to locker room chalk talks before and after a game. Create a plan, play the game, and perform a post-game analysis.
• Coaching experts advise us to think small by constructing small, attainable routines that create a sense of order and predictability in our lives. Control the small things you can control (e.g., I will set the table the night before to prompt me to sit and eat breakfast in the morning). These small routines will give us a sense of control in our days rather than feeling like our days control us.
• Finally, practice accepting reality so that you can deal with real-time situations more effectively. We often use our mental energy spinning our wheels from frustration over what should be, rather than dealing with the reality of what is actually happening. A good coach will remind us setbacks are temporary and that we need to focus on the long game.
By summoning our inner coach, we can quiet down, reflect, think small, and practice acceptance as we go through our days. Thus, we can approach our days with clarity, intention and calm, which is a winning strategy over the long haul in the game of healthy living.
If you are interested in bariatric behavioral health coaching appointments, contact Leslie Riley, PsyD, health service psychologist with New Leaf Institute, PLLC, or Jennifer Wood, PhD, at A Healing Connection, PLLC, at 918-376-4552.